We Know Your Secret Sex Fantasy—Do You?

Image
  Not that one. A *new* one. Hey, cutie. Just wanted to let you know that this story originally ran in our February issue, so if you like what you see, you should probably snag a hard copy ASAP. Bye! Look, it’s cool if every time you need to get yourself over the edge, you return to that mental picture of being taken from behind while wearing a pair of  Telfar boots  and nothing else. (Don’t lie.) (It’s only natural to put your fave on repeat.) But given the Groundhoggian hellscape of the past 10 months, wouldn’t it be  kiiind  of nice to mix things up? With something…even hotter? Yes—yes, it would. So it’s lucky that you have us. Okay, fine, maybe not  us , per se, but rather sex researcher Justin Lehmiller, PhD, and a group of other highly informed secret sources* who know how to use your personality to divine said even hotter fantasy. So pick the description that fits you best, prepare for an *uncanny* amount of detail, and…you know what to do from there. If there’s something about
Post a Comment

Dakota Johnson Lied to Us About Loving Limes



 The evidence was right there before us all along. How could we have been so blind? You can’t spell “limes” without “lies.” On January 19, Dakota Johnson revisited her famed 2020 Architectural Digest tour on The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon and admitted to a terrible betrayal. Despite gesturing to overflowing display bowls chock full o’ limes and saying, “I love limes. I love them. They’re great. I like them so much, and I like to present them like this in my house,” she actually admitted she doesn’t even like limes. In fact, she told Jimmy, “I’m allergic to limes. I’m mildly allergic to them … Limes make my tongue itch.” “Well,” you might say, rationalizing to yourself as a Dakota Johnstan. “She never said she loves to eat limes. She just said she likes to present them like that in her house.” But this is a fallacy as well. “I actually didn’t even know that they were in there,” Johnson told Jimmy. “I was giving the tour and went into the kitchen and it was set dressing.” We love AD home-tour videosand “73 Questions” and nighttime skin routinesbecause we think we want a peek behind the curtain, but Johnson reminded us that these videos are, in and of themselves, just more curtains behind the curtain. In this way, by exposing her own b.s., Johnson actually further upheld her status as a bastion of truth in Hollywood, calling out her own lies as she would Ellen’s. So yes, continue to stan. But don’t stop sending her limes as offerings.


Comments

Post a Comment